Conversation Starters: The Ultimate Guide to Asking Great Questions
This article is packed with a ton of helpful tips and information that will make you a fantastic conversationalist and listener. Here’s what you’ll learn:
5 benefits of conversation starters
3 skills for starting conversations
10 practical tips for asking great questions
How to small talk
When to use conversation starter apps
166 Examples of Conversation Starters, organized for Couples, Any Occasion, and Deeper Dialogues
Helpful Resources for Conversation Starters
"I have learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel." - Maya Angelou
First, why start a conversation at all?
There are many benefits to having good conversations, including:
Building relationships: Good conversations can help to build and strengthen relationships with others, as they allow us to connect and learn more about each other's thoughts, feelings, and experiences.
Improving communication skills: Having good conversations requires active listening, asking open-ended questions, and showing empathy, all of which are important communication skills. By practicing these skills, we can become more effective communicators and better able to understand and connect with others.
Promoting personal growth: Good conversations can expose us to new ideas and perspectives, which can help us to learn and grow as individuals. They can also help us to better understand ourselves and our own beliefs and values.
Reducing stress and anxiety: Good conversations can be a helpful way to relax and destress, as they provide an opportunity to connect with others and share our thoughts and feelings.
Enhancing problem-solving and decision-making: Good conversations can help us to think more critically and creatively, as they allow us to consider different perspectives and brainstorm solutions to problems.
Overall, good conversations are an important part of building and maintaining healthy relationships, improving communication skills, and promoting personal growth and well-being.
3 skills for starting conversations
The three important skills that can help us better understand and connect with the world around us are curiosity, empathy, and the ability to ask good questions.
Curiosity is the desire to learn and explore new ideas and concepts. It drives us to seek out new experiences and ask questions that help us better understand the world and the people in it. Having a curious mindset can help us learn and grow, and it can also make life more interesting and engaging.
Empathy is the ability to understand and share the feelings of others. It helps us to see the world from someone else's perspective and allows us to connect with others on a deeper level. When we are empathetic, we are more likely to show compassion and understanding towards others, which can create more positive and meaningful relationships.
Asking questions is an important way to show curiosity and empathy, and it helps us to better understand the perspectives and experiences of others. When we ask questions, we demonstrate that we are interested in what others have to say and that we value their thoughts and feelings. Asking questions also helps us to clarify any misunderstandings or miscommunications and can lead to more meaningful and productive conversations.
In summary, curiosity, empathy, and asking questions are all crucial skills that can help us better understand and connect with the world around us. Whether we are interacting with friends, family, or colleagues, these skills can help us to create more meaningful and positive relationships.
10 practical tips for asking great questions
Start by identifying the purpose of your question. What do you want to know or accomplish by asking this question?
Make sure your question is specific and clearly defined. Avoid using vague or ambiguous language.
Use open-ended questions rather than closed-ended questions. Open-ended questions allow for a broader range of responses and encourage discussion and exploration.
Avoid leading or biased questions. These types of questions can steer the conversation in a particular direction or influence the respondent's answer.
Keep your questions concise and to the point. Long, rambling questions can be difficult for the respondent to understand and may not elicit the desired information.
Avoid asking too many questions at once. This can be overwhelming for the respondent and may result in incomplete or confusing answers.
Avoid making assumptions or jumping to conclusions. It's important to keep an open mind and allow the respondent to fully explain their thoughts and ideas.
Use active listening skills, such as nodding and making eye contact, to show that you are engaged in the conversation and interested in the respondent's answers.
Follow up with clarifying questions if you don't fully understand the respondent's answer. This helps to ensure that you have a complete and accurate understanding of the information being shared.
Be respectful and considerate in your questioning. Avoid being confrontational or aggressive, and make sure to give the respondent time to think and formulate their responses.
Don’t be afraid to make a little small talk. Here’s how
Small talk refers to casual, everyday conversations that people have with each other, often as a way of building rapport or making social connections. Some examples of small talk include:
Asking about someone's day or weekend: "How was your day today?" "Did you do anything fun this weekend?"
Talking about the weather: "It's so hot today, isn't it?" "Do you think it's going to rain later?"
Commenting on current events or popular culture: "Did you see the latest episode of that TV show we like?" "Did you hear about that new restaurant that just opened up downtown?"
Discussing hobbies or interests: "Have you taken up any new hobbies lately?" "What do you like to do in your free time?"
Small talk is a common and often enjoyable way for people to connect with each other, and it can help to build relationships and create a sense of community. However, it's important to remember that small talk is just that - small. It's meant to be a casual, surface-level conversation and should not be used as a substitute for more meaningful communication.
Do conversation starter apps actually work?
Conversation starter apps can be great tools for having conversations because they provide prompts and questions that can help facilitate deeper discussions and encourage people to learn more about each other's thoughts, feelings, and experiences. These apps can be especially helpful for people who may be feeling stuck in their communication patterns or struggling to find new topics to discuss. They can also be a fun and novel way to inject some excitement and variety into a relationship.
Additionally, conversation starter apps can be useful for building communication skills and strengthening relationships. By providing a structured format for having conversations, these apps can help people learn how to ask open-ended questions, listen actively, and show empathy. This can lead to more meaningful and productive conversations and can help to foster deeper connections with others.
Overall, conversation starter apps can be a valuable tool for anyone looking to improve their communication skills and strengthen their relationships. Whether you are using them with a partner, friend, or family member, these apps can provide an enjoyable and engaging way to facilitate deeper conversations and get to know others better.
Party Qs is an example of a top-rated conversation starter app
166 Examples of Conversation Starters
This is a big list, so let’s start it off with conversation starter questions for couples — great for date nights, dinner dates, road trips, hikes, and more.
50 Conversation Starters for Couples
What makes you feel most alive?
Would you rather be the president of the United States for the rest of your life or a school janitor for the rest of your life?
When was the time when you felt bravest?
What is your secret passion or skill?
What makes the best gifts?
If you could have a button in your life that would do one thing every time when pressed, what would it do?
What is the best purchase you've ever made?
What is the most routine thing that you do?
What is something you can't stand?
What is something you learned from your dad?
What is something you learned from your mom?
Would you let your son play with dolls and your daughter play with soldiers?
What do you need daily for the day to be good?
What personal habit are you proudest of?
What does your me-time look like?
What is needlessly too difficult?
What is worth spending a little extra money for?
What fact did you learn at an embarrassingly late age?
What are you good at cooking?
What was a movie that made you cry, besides the Notebook?
What is a song that made you cry?
If you had to spend $1,000 of your own money right now on possessions, what would you buy?
If someone were to spend an extended amount of time with you, what are three things they would learn?
What is the best gift you've ever received?
If you were paid a $125,000 to write a book in a year, what would you write?
What are you really good at fixing?
For what in your life do you feel most grateful?
If you could wake up tomorrow having gained any one quality or ability, what would it be?
If you could call yourself five years ago and had 30 seconds to talk, what would you say?
Do you like hugging or kissing more?
How do you show love? How do you receive love?
Which of your friends is most like you?
How did your family shape who you are?
What’s your favorite thing about yourself?
What’s a new hobby you’d like to try out?
What’s the craziest thing you’ve done in the name of love?
What are three things you think about every day?
If you had a warning label, what would yours say?
What was your first job?
When was the last time you felt really energized or really alive with your work?
If you could set in place an incentive structure to make you better at your job, what would it look like?
If you had one day in which you can't work to make money or talk to people, what would you do?
Are you more practical or creative?
Would you rather be more organized or more adaptable?
How would you rank these three drinks in order of preference: beer, wine, liquor?
Would you rather never have to pick your outfit or never have to do laundry?
What's more important, experience or imagination?
What does romance mean to you?
What is NOT worth buying?
In what way are you most predictable?
50 Conversation Starters for Any Occasion
If you were an animal, which animal would you be?
When was the time you were the most scared in your life, not including movies and dreams?
If you were a multi-billionaire, what would you do with your time?
What is something you still would not do for $1 million?
If you had to meet someone from history who would you pick?
What's the first thing that comes to your mind when you hear the word "nature"?
What do you do to relax?
If you had to live in another country, which one would you choose?
If you were on an island, and you could only choose one drink other than water, what would you pick?
What faction of Divergent would you be? (Erudite, Abnegation, Dauntless, Candor, Amity)
If you could be insanely gifted in a school subject, which one would you pick?
What do you do to get happy when you are feeling down?
Finish this sentence: you feel like you are good friends with someone when you can _________.
What do you think about in bed before you fall asleep?
Would you rather have more friends or more time?
If you had to eat at one restaurant for the rest of your life which one would you pick?
What was the last time you were in a car for over five hours?
Would you rather intensify your vision or your emotions?
The tastebuds are: sweet, sour, salty, and bitter. If you had to remove one, which one would you remove?
What would your pillow say if it could talk?
What is the opposite of what you love to do?
What is the worst smell in the world?
Whose life would you like to try for a day?
If you could go back in time, what invention would take credit for?
What is the ideal number of people in a social group?
What is something that you never liked until the moment you tried it and it ended up to be awesome?
What is the most statistically improbable thing that has ever happened to you?
If you could take one invention back in time to improve society, what would it be and why?
What is something for which you will always spare no expense?
What's the first thing to go when you're tired?
If you had $100,000, how would you give it away?
Would you rather read a new book a day or gain a new friend every day?
What are you terrible at, but enjoy enough to keep doing?
What are you old school at?
When you hear the word "interesting" who is the first person that comes to mind?
What is more important to you, gasoline or the Internet?
What website do you visit a lot that most people probably do not visit?
What do you always say "yes" to?
If you could have lunch with anyone alive today, who would it be?
Would you rather be invincible to extreme heat or extreme cold?
You suddenly become the opposite gender, what do you do first?
What is your life album?
What have you thrown against the wall in anger?
What do you dislike that people do online?
If you had to eat one food group for the rest of your life, but you will always be guaranteed perfect health, which one would you choose?
What is something you wish you knew more about?
What would your pseudonym (fake author name) be?
Would you rather eat whatever and it's always healthy or go without sleep and never be tired?
What brings out your positivity?
What time period would you want to live in?
66 Conversation Starters for Deeper Dialogues
What is the one word you would use to describe the most common characteristic shared by all human beings in the world?
If you could be guaranteed that you would be the absolute best at anything in the world, with zero chance of failure, what would you do?
What would you do if you knew which religion was absolutely true and all others were false?
If you could take away one feeling from your life, what feeling would you take away?
Would you rather be able to change people’s thoughts or change people’s feelings?
If you could destroy anything, to make the world a better place, what would you destroy?
What motivates you?
What do you think is the most key characteristic of a great leader?
What do you want more than anything else in life?
You are responsible for designing heaven. What is it like? What about hell?
If a book were written about you, what would the title be?
Would you rather increase your knowledge at the expense of your physical strength, or increase your physical strength at the expense of your knowledge?
People are generally healthy in only two out of three areas: emotionally, physically, and mentally. Which two are you?
Your dreams are recorded and released on DreamTube, the YouTube for dreams. You get flooded with emails all saying the same thing. What do they say?
What does the world need more of, love or truth?
What does the world need less of?
If you had to pick someone else to win the lottery who would you pick?
What is something someone said that forever changed your way of thinking?
Would you rather hear God sing you a song He wrote for you only once a year or receive a letter from God once a year but you keep the letter?
What is the greatest evil in the world?
What would you say to your 22 year old self?
What action do you or will you do to best love your children?
If you were given a whole year without any responsibilities, what would you seek to accomplish?
Looking back, what is one thing you would take back, or a mistake you would reverse?
If, one day, you woke up and the world was removed of all selfishness, where would you notice it first?
When was the last time you completely lost yourself in something?
What's always been a mystery to you?
You are being told that you will become famous tomorrow, but not what for. What is the most realistic reason you can come up with?
What phrase can apply to anything in life?
How did a small decision change your life?
If any of your memories could be made into a short film, what would it be?
What virtue would you improve in your life?
What combination of interests makes you unique?
If you taxed a behavior to make the world a better place but also to make a significant return, what behavior would you tax?
Are you more aware of your weaknesses or strengths?
Are you more aware of other's strengths or weaknesses?
What is more important, love or truth?
How does your mind work?
What is your definition of greatness?
If you were able to live to the age of 90 and retain either the mind or body of a 30-year-old for the last 60 years of your life, which would you want?
What does the end of time look like?
What are three positive character traits you DON’T have?
What range of income do you think people need to be happy?
When you’re sixty years old, what would you like to say that you’ve accomplished in your life?
What’s a common misconception people have about you?
What do you believe that no one else does?
Is technology making us smarter?
What project or accomplishment are you most proud of in your life?
What is your view of conflict?
What is a time when something went wrong or failed and what did you learn from it?
Can art be objectively good or bad?
What is the single most liberating thought you've ever had?
What are signs that someone is secretly unhappy?
What are your irrational fears?
What are your two most opposite personality traits?
What’s the saddest feeling in the world?
To achieve social justice, how do you enable one group of people without disadvantaging another group?
Is torture ever justifiable?
What's your favorite memory of a lost loved one?
What's the first song that moved you deeply?
Would you rather be able to implant thoughts or feelings inside people?
Where is the one place you can go where everything is okay?
What do people come to you for?
If you had to write a book, what would it be about?
You can send a five-word message that will be delivered to every cellphone in your country anonymously. What will you send?
What’s the best way to get through a bout of depression?
Sometimes starting a conversation with a joke can help break the ice. Laughter makes people feel more comfortable. Here are five jokes that can help set the stage for a positive and uplifting conversation.
5 Funny Jokes to Start a Conversation With a Laugh
Yesterday, I was washing the car with my son. He said, "Dad, can't you just use a sponge?"
Doctor: “How’s the kid that swallowed the coins doing?” Nurse: “As of last check-in, still no change.”
A great name for diarrhea medicine is… Gonorrhea.
What did the dog and the tree have a long conversation about? Bark.
A rope walks into a bar. The bartender says "this sounds like a setup to a joke! Have you heard it?" The rope replies, "I'm a frayed knot."
Helpful Resources for Conversation Starters
Here are 8 helpful resources with links for conversation starters:
“Party Qs” app: This fun app provides over 46 categories of prompts and questions specifically designed for couples, friends, and family looking to deepen their connection and get to know each other better. Available for free for iOS and Android https://partyqs.com
"The Couples Game" app: This app is great for romantic partners and will help explore your relationship with questions. https://apps.apple.com/us/app/the-couples-game/id1194444324
"Love Maps" app: This app is designed to help couples learn more about each other's thoughts, feelings, and experiences through a variety of prompts and questions. https://www.gottman.com/app/love-maps-app/
"Date Nights" app: This app offers a variety of conversation starters, games, and activities to help couples keep their conversations interesting and engaging. https://www.gottman.com/app/date-nights-app/
"TableTopics" website: This website offers a variety of conversation starter cards and games that can be used to facilitate meaningful discussions and build connections with others. https://www.tabletopics.com/
"The Conversation Project" website: This website provides a wide range of resources and tools to help people have meaningful conversations about important topics, including end-of-life planning and family relationships. https://theconversationproject.org/
"The School of Life" website: This website offers a variety of conversation starter cards and games designed to help people connect and communicate more effectively. https://www.theschooloflife.com/thebookoflife/conversation-starters/
"Dinner Party Download" podcast: This podcast features a variety of conversation starters and topics designed to help people connect and engage with each other at dinner parties and other social gatherings. https://www.dinnerpartydownload.org/
"The Art of Conversation" book by Catherine Blyth: This book provides a range of tips and techniques for improving conversation skills, including how to ask open-ended questions, listen actively, and show empathy. https://www.amazon.com/Art-Conversation-Catherine-Blyth/dp/1781254803/